the purest beauty

the purest beauty

i've asked myself, what is beautiful?
can i define it by a name
would another rose called by another
simply appear the same?

does beauty on the inside
far outweigh what we see
or will our society maintain being shallow
is that how we're meant to be?

yet often we miss the golden flowers
since its pedals shade the glow
as underneath the covers
is a beauty, you'll never know

as it's one that is simply unrivaled
yet unveiled, it has yet to be
however, i can see its true beauty
a magnificience the world has yet to see

within that hidden core below
the most magestic creature of them all lies
greater than any of them entertainers
naked, as no need for makeup to be applied

the pedals will one day be revealed
and others will be in awe
yet while others attention was drawn every which way
it was something i already had saw

i await for the unveiling and the truth to be seen
so the world can be taken by storm
as when the pedals allow for all to see
the bees will be coming by swarm

so dear flower open up and show this place
how incredible and amazing you are
and the so-called icons of beauty in the spotlight
will fade in the presence of the greatest star

look up and open! your time has arrived
no longer must you hide a beauty so true
as it's greater than anything i have every known
both on the inside and outside of you

jason
6/30/09, 12:09am

to those who worship the stars and entertainers, look around you, as the most spectacular people in this world are around you!

Bon Voyage

It's hard to imagine that right now I should be in Europe exploring Paris, Brussels and Amsterdam or enjoying the wonders of Tokyo. However, due to various setbacks, I am at home, lacking the vacation that I once had schedule. Next year, everyone start saving their money, because I want company when I go on my trip to Europe! At least one person, if not more ...

As people head off on their merry way abroad, I wrote this poem that I thought would go nice with your bon voyage party ...

to the hills you may venture

to the valleys on your way

to where you may be headed

on this glorious day

i wish you bon voyage

safe travels to you

be sure to enjoy every moment

of everything that you do

don't miss a step

don't let your heart skip a meet

and treasure all the places you go

and all the people that you'll meet

you'll be in a foreign place

but enjoy it like your own

assimilate with the culture

and make it feel like it's home

don't waste any time

don't try to delay

as it's almost time

for you to be on your way

so take your baggage

wait not a second more

as it's time for your adventure

in the many lands you'll explore!

jason

6/29/09, 1:30am

Peace & Transquility

This type of day provides me with the peace and traquility I hope for in a day.

I think it provides me with a good time for reflection and an opportunity to see how my day/week/month actually went without any triggers that may cause me to analyze my time out of emotion rather than pure analysis.

Michael Ogah wrote, "Love is not a figment of our imagination, rather it's a figment of our reality that we choose to suppress. Don't hide it; show it!"

I think that at times, this can be the truth. Often times, I find myself storing away my true feelings, not just love, within myself. Feelings that I want to share often are not either because I want to avoid making a situation awkward, because I want avoid mistakes of the past or just because I'm afraid to.

Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, "It's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all." I can understand where he is coming from in the idea that how much on a high you feel when you truly give yourself to someone is incredible, however, the feeling when you have lost it, especially when years together crumble in a matter of days, is the most awful feeling in the world and it keeps revisiting when you least need it to.

I think Tennyson's quote is more applicable to those who have had a full life together with decades of time together sharing memories, sharing families and sharing lives. In my case, it felt like I was cheated out of the years ahead at no fault of either of us, just the winds of fate.

I'm always hopeful that maybe things have not come full circle, yet, eventually the train at the crossing will end and I will have to move on, otherwise, there will be a crowd of people upset behind me waiting for me to move out of their way. While I drag my feet, I can say, as I promised before, I will make that effort to move out of the shadows and push forward to show my feelings more than not when the times are appropriate.

the train is ending
it's almost time to go
a few parting words
that i want you to know

you've shown me the truth
you've shown me the light
you've shown me grandiose
and the wrong from the right

you've helped me understand
who I truly am inside
you took me on a journey
oh, what a great ride!

yet, the barriers are opening
the train so far away
and I think time's moving forward
so I must move out of the way

the memories of past
although aged yet not fading
had kept me around
just standing around, waiting

yet i realized that the train departing
in the distance, never to return
although the love i had for you
continues to burn

so after years of maintaining
the flame burning within
i shall put out the light
letting a new chapter begin

a magnetism towards the tracks
yet i must venture on
to find new adventures
that can generate a new song

a beat that will be heard
that can create a new spark
to reignite the flame within me
that is currently so dark

so as i leave i say goodbye
it is adieu not a day more
as i've got a great land
ahead to explore

yet you'll always be a piece of me
always within my heart
i tuck it away and prepare
for my new journey to start

jason
6/28/09, 5:43am

Hidden Treasures

i doubt you even realize
how incredible you are
as you've reached the farthest distance
and outshined the brightest star

you have such an ability
to sweep me off my feet
you're the hidden treasure all seek out
so incredible, yet so sweet

you're someone who i've adore
from a distance, from afar
as i just can't get over
how incredible you are

you've won me over, once again
you know not what you do
but you've reach a place within me
generating a feeling that is so true

so take a second look in the mirror
so you can see what truly is there
the most amazing and astonishing
and the fairest of the fair

jason
6/25/09, 8:25pm

"you definitely leave me breathless"

Transforming the Night

I was able to see Transformers yesterday and it was quite the movie going experience. I saw it at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood where they had four of the vehicles on display. Quite amazing to see the vehicles you were going to see in the movie a few minutes after snapping some photographs in front of them. In any case, the movie had it share of humor that combined with the non-stop action and few moments of sappy action love storyesque type drama. At one point I remember that the sound was so good in the Cinerama Dome that I was vibrating from the base coming from the sound system, just awesome! What was even more amazing is that the large tub of popcorn nearly was exinct by the end of the movie *uh em.* It's quite alright because I wouldn't have eaten any more anyways. [Got a poke anyone? - I should photoshop a smiling picture of me instead :) ... but I guess Transformers are tough guys.]

Afterwards, we venutred to the wonderful Geisha House where the rolls are always an excellent choice. Displayed you have the (right to left) Surf and Turf, Call "911" Spicy Tuna, Red Samurai and the Ocean Dragon. I also had the Kobe Beef Fillet, which was great with the wasabi, a nice tender piece of meet I could say.


Because we arrived late, we missed the observatory, however, it was a pretty swell treat. I would encourage most people to see this movie in theaters because you probably won't get the full effect at home as you would at the theaters. :)

Thanks for being the best guests ever!

Cleaning - What to Throw and What to Keep

I never have the time to clean, but when I took, it usually takes me to another place and I begin to remember various moments in my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Oops, I almost forgot, the fantastic!

I remember starting off high school on a rough note, not knowing very many people since I had come from a private school and going through some rough times in my personal life. Yeah, you think a freshman would have it easy, but there were some issues that came up earlier for me than most others. I almost asked not to go to Cerritos High, because I thought things might be better elsewhere. However, it ends up, I never regretting going to Cerritos.

I found a bunch of old letters that had been written ~ I kept every single one. I also found my old yearbook entries, including my senior year, which really just made me question, why I made the decisions that I did.

I think going into high school, with all that had happened up to that point, there was a lot of fear of proximity, not how physically close I was to someone, but how close I put my heart to someone elses. In fact, I think that my greatest connections happened in high school, yet I did not allow myself to get to a point to leave myself vulnerable. As many fantastic memories that I had at the school, I made sure, that the level of vulnerable I displayed was low.

They say you learn the most at a very young age, so maybe that was the case for me, I learned that I cannot leave myself vulnerable. Some of you may be saying, oh, you were only in junior high, but I think the problem is that I carried it with me for many years beyond that time, that it affected me all the way up to this point. If you knew the story, maybe you'd look at the situation a bit differently and realize where my fear resonates from.

It's funny, how fearless I can be going on all kinds of thrill rides, white water rafting, rock jumping, bungee jumping and even skydiving, all of which could kill you or physically destroy you. However, when it comes to issues of the heart, when you really know how painful it is to give everything and lose everything, it becomes harder to go out and risk it all again.

I've been like the individual who slowly walkes to the end of the cliff to take that leap of faith in to the water, hoping everything will be alright, yet, I have held myself back from jumping off that cliff because I cannot guarantee myself that when I jump, that I will end up safe.

I know, life is about taking chances and about taking risks, however, I am trying to deal with a handicap that has haunted me for over a decade and it's cost me some very special people in my life, which is quite sad. These individuals have provided me with the most fantastic moments of my life, yet I feel like I shut the door on them when I should have been embracing them. Although it seems like I always find another excuse, it always comes down to the same core issue - this fear.

As I cleaned this week though, I challenged myself to finally take the leap off the cliff, hoping that the water will embrace me as I enter it from high above, hoping that I will swim safely from the water down below. I think I am tired of letting moments and memories so precious slip through my fingres and opportunities pass me by.

Maybe it took me over a decade to realize it, but I guess I leave myself in a place where I will try to embrace the risks and challenges that I face so that I may allow my fear of proximity to dissipate.

To those who have stood by me through the thick and the thin, I love you all, and I hope that I can help create something out of all that you have given me.

Don't let me back away, make me jump!

to lose a love
a shattered heart
one never thought
that the two shall part

a protective cover
under which i lay
i've cheated myself
from so many sunny days

i've lost the treasures
i've feared the replay
yet i must realize
tomorrow's a brand new day

i cannot repress
i cannot hold back
for the ability to have faith
is something i truly lack

learning vulnerability
is synonymous with life
and with the success
comes struggle and strife

i must not let myself
lock my heart down
in fear that i may stumble
falling to the ground

the distant shatters
a memory of the past?
no longer will those memories
shadows on me cast

i hesitate yet move forward
knowing there's no other way
why start tomorrow
when i can start today

so i throw out the bad
learning the lessons i learned
yet giving me gold stars
all of which i've earned

i'm keep the sweet memories
to find that joy once again
i'll be healed, healed very soon
i just can't tell you when

jason
6/23/09, 6:47pm

Fathers' Day

Happy Fathers' Day to all of the wonderful fathers out there who have put in the time and dedication on behalf of your sons/daughters. I know that they all appreciate your love and compassion.

Today, I made my dad his favorite ~ Seafood Pasta with shrimp, squid, scallops, clams in shell and green mussels along with italian sausages, ground turkey, zuccini, mushrooms, four colors of bell peppers, onions, carrots, tomatoes, basil, italian parsley and various seasonings :)

This year, I realized how excited I am to become a father. Obviously, I am not ready to have a child right now, but I can just imagine the incredible feeling of being responsible for the upbringing of another life. Yes, it will be stressful and realistically, it will be extremely difficult, however, I don't think there could be anything more precious, with the exception of the wedding that preceded that child. :) From the vacations, to the birthday parties, the first days of school, etc., it will be just a lifetime of memories that our family will create.

For now, I can only babysit and wait for the day that I will have a child of my own :)


Happy Fathers' Day

The Journey Forward

It's not the nicest poem I have ever written, but sometimes, these poems are necessary and I'm sure other people have felt this way too.

I refuse to look back
I refuse to turn back around
Because each time I do
I end up flat on the ground

Picking up the shattered pieces
Of all I dedicated to you
As I missed out on opportunities
Where I could've found something true

So I head forward on this journey
Seeking out the new that is ahead
As the pain and suffering will fade
And more joy will be found instead

The sun will begin to move about
From its place behind the clouds
And the shining faces will soon appear
From amongs the crowds

All the effort, all the care
That I once had given to you
Will be given to someone, anyone
Who treats me better than you do

It would be different if we had found
That commonplace could not be found
Yet you hit my like a dump truck
Left for dead flat on the ground

Yet, I can make it through this
Yes, I can put the pieces back in place
And soon this bitter taste in my mouth
Will sweetness soon replace

There were no limits to my heart and soul
That I gave you on a dish
Yet I guess that was not enough
And thus, I shall continue, since that's your wish

I head now to the sunny places ahead
With flowers, beautiful mountains and trees
As the past will be put behind me
And the beautiful future is all I will see

Jason
6/20/09, 6:20pm

Thirteen Days

No, I'm not talking about the movie :P ... it's been the last thirteen days of BBQ, editing, test&review writing, grading, a track meet, CHS Idol, music video shooting/making, graduation&practice, events, practices, meetings, a car wash, and a golf tournament.

I never thought I would be so full of commitments, deadlines, up and downs, broken hearts&promises and revived friendships, and now, just a sigh of relief to make it to this point. Right now I feel like a fondu, mixed with so many different things that I don't know what to call myself right now ...

I think our car wash today was the perfect example of what my life has been over the past thirteen days, a steady flow throughout the day with pockets of stressful times where you want to pull you hair out with problems both big and small, old and new that need to be dealt with and send on their way, the one's you care about will be dealt with car and precision, while the others, you may pay less attention to ...

I guess a reanalysis of life, some soul searching, and a new beginning may be in order ... I think it may be time to readjust the course that I am moving on to eventually find that path best suited for me. I have a better idea of what I want and now I just hope that I can go out and get what I really want in life.

All this time you wonder what the meaning of everything that comes you way is and I think maybe I need to take a closer look and make sure I am not missing the signs before they come my way, because the last sign I missed just hit me like a bus.

In any case, I have been so proud to see my '09ers graduate and find their ways to the finish line and hopefully, they will find the path best suited for them. To all of you, similar to my own struggles, you will eventually find the right path to follow if you keep pushing and keep persevering.

Through God, all things are possible. (Rephrasing Luke 1:37)

I don't quote scripture in my blog too much because I know everyone does not follow the same, however, I feel that you must at least begin to believe that ALL things are possible, if you just put your mind to it and use the skills given to you.

On a last note, during my last haircut, my hair was shorter than normal which means more gel, so my hair was styled differently and now, I turned out with a new temporary hair style until I decide if I like it or not. Maybe it was in response to getting hit by that bus, but I kind of enjoyed having a different hairstyle. We'll just have to wait and see ...

The BBQ

The BBQ turned out pretty well today.

After spending all day preparing, we had tons of food on the table including an assortment of sashimi (including my favorite, tako-octopus), teriyaki steak and chicken, steak, chile, lime and sesame ginger bacon-wrapped shrimp, salt and pepper shrip, chinese chicken salad, a wide-array of veggies and fruits (grapes, mangos, pineapples, cantalope, strawberries, peppers, carrots, snap peas, tomatoes, etc.), various rolls of sushi, chow mein, fried chicken wings, lumpias, empenadas, the special jello and of course mochi :) ... I may have missed something but it was a load of food.

Outside we had placed a lot of our table and entertainment praying for no rain, which never occurred. It was cold and dark outside, however, we still found a way to enjoy ourselves. We had karaoke on one TV, Zoolander and Mall Cop on the projector, and Wii on a monitor in our backyard.

Although it was a bit awkward at first because all of my friends are from different groups, it ended up being okay and so I was glad that I had this party.


In any case, I forgot to put no gifts on the invitation (I realized some of the invitations didn't reach people, sorry). It ended up though that I received a very cool gifts made by the talents of one my wonderful friends. Simply amazing, isn't it?

Escudo do Oro

The Escudo do Oro award is the most pretigious award given at our school.
The award recognizes the seniors that best exemplify an ideal CHS student including ...

1. Citizenship/Character
2. Academic Achievement
3. School & Community Involvement
4. Leadership
There may be other areas that I may have overlooked, however, it's an individual who has displayed success and excelled in a number of areas and have really shown themselves to be the most dedicated and influential individuals on campus. These individuals are normally the best of the best in their areas, however, do not just limit themselves to one specific area of work.

This year, they recognized five, Melody Chern, Kristine Kim, Lorie Kim, Ray Roazal and Kristabelle Tamula. I was glad to have worked with each one of them in some capacity and it was such an excellent group of individuals to represent our school!

Since That Day ...

somewhere along this curving path
you captured my heart from me
and since that very moment
the same, I never would be

since that day the only color
is in the twinkle of your eye
as all of nature is second best
from the oceans and up to the sky

the scents of the flowers is no more
the only sweet scent when you're around
as once i was exiled to oblivion
now, it is paradise i have found

the oceans soothing waves
are no match for the calmness you bring
and that naturally beauty you possess
gives no chance to the beauty of spring

so alas you continue on your road
with my heart right in your hand
to keep our hearts near one another
i willing to do all that i can

and though the time and place is in the air
our time will arrive one day
i'll be waiting for that moment and opportunity
to react without any delay

so alas the naturally beauty surrounds
although yours has put the rest to shame
as since the day i met the incredible you
my life, surely, would never be the same

jason
6/3/09, 12:31am