[General Posts] - Much Greater Than Broadway

[General Posts] - Much Greater Than Broadway

I have had very little time to recover and my stack of papers to grade is high, but I could not get the musical Allegiance off my mind. I wrote an earlier post Gaman in my daily blog, which discussed my initial reactions to the musical. However, the more and more I have had time to think about it, the more and more, I am sad and upset that this musical will be no longer soon. While this musical has an incredible cast including George Takei (Star Trek), Lea Salonga (Miss Saigon/Aladdin), Telly Leung (Glee), Katie Rose Clarke (Wicked) and Michael K. Lee among others (including my former classmate Janelle Dote), the story that was told is something that will sit with me for awhile. I am a history teacher and while I cover the internment camps in my class, while I have visited Manzanar in California, and while I am Japanese-American myself, I believe that this is a musical and story that everyone should have the opportunity to see. The ugliness of war, the discrimination/racism/xenophobia that accompanies it, the loss of everything, the struggle of survival, and the (attempt at) recovery after it all is all addressed along with the attempts at allegiance, love, self-discovery, perseverance, the cultural struggle. and much more. Since I do not want to give too much (if any) of the story away, I want to simply say that in a time where there is such hatred, racism and discrimination practiced by so many including all the way to upper echelons of influence, New Yorkers everyone needs to hear the message this musical portrays. Not everyone who watches it is going to listen and not everyone who watches it is going to have the same connection as I had, but I am not sure that we can deny the parallels to this musical to some of the things we are seeing in our world today. Stereotyping, discrimination, xenophobia, it's all present and for a similar reason. However, Broadway is going to lose a gem that should never leave its theaters until more people have heard the message, as it's not just one about Japanese-Americans and their internment, but about the blind eye that is turned towards reactionary solutions that impact the lives of people for the rest of their lives. In going backstage in this production, most of the talk is about the performances and how amazing everyone and that was not an exception here, as everyone in the cast did such an amazing job, but I was really touched by the fact that the common thread among those in the musical that I had a chance to talk to said that this musical was about the story and get it out. Broadway is often about glamour and the show business, but sometimes, just sometimes, there is a opportunity that presents itself that can make Broadway something greater, a chance to educate while invoking the same emotional roller coaster that these musicals takes us on. I am not an emotional person and this definitely caught me off guard as the reality of the musical and knowing the all-to-real connection to our world today were just too much to hold in. If I lived and taught in New York, I would have my class at the next performance of Allegiance, as I feel that it would provide me the ability ability to translate it into a lesson that can help our community grown and thrive for the better, however, living in California and bringing a group of my students one month too late, that opportunity will never be there and for that I am deeply saddened. 

I would hope that something magical were to occur and Allegiance the musical could garner enough support to continue on beyond its February end date, however, knowing the unlikely hood of this, I encourage all those who have yet to catch this production and are able to get to see it, to head over to the 48th street to catch Allegiance at the Longacre. Hopefully one day, this musical will reappear, but if not, I feel that it is our job to ensure that history does not repeat itself, I pledge allegiance that I will do whatever is in power to ensure that I do my part to help fight discrimination as our country cannot bear something like this happening again. While there will be those who disagree, I hope that those who agree will help me in sharing this message in hopes that we can be accepting and understanding, knowing the lifelong impacts that our reactionary selves can have on the lives of others.

I thank George Takei and the wonderful cast of Allegiance for sharing this beautiful story with us and  making this musical far greater than Broadway. I am glad to have been one of the lucky ones to have heard and experienced it. 

Ergo, I still sit here with a stack of papers left to grade, but it compares not to the stack of responsibilities I have left to do my part. It's going to be an uphill climb, but I know I can do it. Gaman! 

-[The General]- Be Together

 

(Photo Credits: Android)

The Dave, Mahoney and DK Morning show recently posted an Android commercial to their Facebook page and it was quite the touching video of animals of different types getting along. The slogan for the campaign is, "Be Together. Not the Same." As I watched this commercial, I couldn't help think about how our society has become so divisive. From race to religion to gender to sexual orientation and political views among others, we have become a society that has looked out for ourselves and for that reason, we have not seen that despite out differences, we can be together. While the meaning behind the commercial may not be sending the same one I am discussing here today, I think that this message can easily be taken from this commercial.

It tears me up inside to see the divisiveness of all these factors and while I may not be comfortable with a persons decision or may not support it, it doesn't mean I hold it against, treat them differently, or worse yet, discriminate them. We have a right to hold our own beliefs and to try to convince others to believe in your view, but ultimately, we need to find a better way to work with each other to have our differences educate each other to bring us together, rather than making a force to divide us apart.

When someone breaks the law, the ideas of race, religion, etc. shouldn't instantly become a factor. It should come down to, right versus wrong. When hiring is taking place, the same should hold true. When people are discriminated against, whether we believe in what they believe in or associate with them or not, it is our job to stand up to stop the discrimination. It's never going to be an easy topic and maybe even not natural for us, however, this commercial goes to show that even the strangest combinations of animals can come and be together, no matter what their differences are - big or small.

Ultimately, the choice will be yours and while changing the mindset of the people of this world will take some time, we have the opportunity to take the first few steps towards change. It could mean that we have to take two steps or two million steps, but in either case, if we come together and embrace our differences, we can one day be together in harmony, no matter how different we may be.

VIDEO LINK: Be Together - Check It Out!

-[The General]- How Tapioca Express Equals Life

(http://www.thespicehut.com)

For those that may know me, Tapioca Express has become a big part of my life, which is weird because I did not always like it and slowly acquired a liking for it. Now, I have to monitor myself to ensure that I do not go two days in a row, which I have been pretty good at. For those who do not know what Tapioca Express is, it's one of the many places in Cerritos (and a few other places in its chain) that serves boba milk tea and similar drinks, which around the world is also known as bubble tea or pearl tea among a few other alias.

It's easy to become addicted to these boba drinks in Cerritos, as it easily has to be one of the cities with the most tea stops with boba around the world (I did not claim it has the most, just one of the most). Thinking about all the different places, even just the different places that serve boba can equal life, as they all have their own variety and take on the drink and have added their own spin on it. How many places in Cerritos/Artesia can you name???

Tapioca Express
Bambu
Fusion Tea Bar
Class 302
Guppy Tea House
Guppy Green House
85C Bakery Cafe
Tea Bar Metro
Dolphin Bay
Milk & Honey Cafe
Boba Loca
Tea Station
Cha2O
Lollicup
Quickly
Yummy Boba

This list doesn't include some of the dessert lounges and restaurants that also serve boba or that you can top you dessert with boba. Interested yet? I never really realized how good I had it until I traveled. While I know there may be other places with just as good if not better selection and choices, one of the reasons I missed home was because of this list above.

In any case, after explaining all of this, it's time to talk about why Tapioca Express equals life. It doesn't equal my life, it is a metaphor for it. Much like if you were to walk into a Starbucks, you have the same range of options as you would at Tapioca Express. Have you ever thought about it? Our life is so full of choices.

When we start a day, do we order a strawberry snow or a pudding milk tea and if we get either one of those, do we get boba, and if so, regular, mini or mixed? Should we have aloe if we get a particular tea and will it even pair well together? Should I get it half sweet, instead of the regular, should I switch to almond milk tea? Is rainbow jelly good or the lychee? How about these dessert drinks I hard so much about ... an Oreo on top, eh?

In our lives, things have become so complex and we always have to make so many decisions. Sometimes, the combinations we pick just don't work out, sometimes we discover something we never thought we would, sometimes, we're not in the mood, some times of the year, it's better to order one drink over another.

If I expand this metaphor, if I feel like a different twist on the drink, I could go to Tea Station and get more of a tea based drink or if I want more fruit, go to Cha2o, if I want something cheaper or even a better meal, maybe I go to Dolphin Bay or I can go old school and hit up Guppy's. Depending on the time of day, my choices may be limited, but there still will be choices and no matter where I go, someone will claim that one is better than another.When in life, it's no different. Every person has something different to offer and every person will view each person differently.

On our next trip to grab some boba, you should think about the whole process of what you're doing and how it relates to life. Ultimately, the lesson I leave with you is, life is like a cup of tea, you'll have the chance to customize it as much as you want and even drink it as much as you want, however, the more times you have it, the more likely you are to take it for granted and even waste some of it. Never forget to savor each drop of that tea and remind yourself just how luck you are to be able to enjoy it.

While I could actually live without milk tea boba, it will forever remind me that I need to savor all of the opportunities that life gives us even if at times it's not always exciting and sometimes when when the excitement fades, maybe it's time to try something new and see how that can spice up my life. Traveling, new hobbies, eating at new places and ordering new things, meeting new friends and the like, just like changing that new flavor may be just what you need to make that glass of tea as interesting as you want it to be.

SURVEY - Tell me about your favorite tea/boba house around and why! What are your favorite things to order there and why? What qualities does it have that set it apart from other tea/boba shops???

COMING UP - You probably won't believe this, but I have a new music video coming out about boba! Sorry, it won't be up until at least the end of the year though!

~:[CH3 - Day 243]:~ Getting Ahead

~:[CH3 - Day 243]:~ Getting Ahead

The days are closing in until the Great Cow Run arrives and I am doing my best to get ahead. As while the days may seem like a lot now, I know when it comes down to crunch time, I will run out of it. With about six days left, the labels are printed, medals are in, team awards complete, boxes arrived, team packets complete, bike tuned up, and the timing stuff, that's no longer my problem as we hired a timing company to take care of that.  With just a few more things to pick up in the next few days, it seems like if I can just secure all my volunteers for the day, things will be ready to go! Let's do this people, let's do this! Wanna help on September 6th??? Let me know! :D

Gratitude Challenge: Day 7

Gratitude Challenge: Day 7

1) I am grateful to be surrounded by motivated people who remind me that I could be doing a lot more with my life and can continue to reach out to help those around me. From those who made something out of nothing, who continue to reach out to help others, or for those who are just truly amazing. Individuals such as Kwiri, Kimberly, Victor thank you for inspiring me and I hope that I can have the kind of success that you have had!

2) I am grateful for my faith. While I may not be the best example in terms of attendance, the foundation build through my relationship with God has been a driving force behind how I live my daily life. While I will never be perfect, I do my best to model how he wants me to live and how to impact those around me with similar qualities.

3) I am grateful for everyone, everything, and more, as while this gratitude challenge was only seven days, there are a countless number of things I am grateful for, both that I have already discovered and that I will discover in the future. From the beauty of nature, to the love of marriage, to the blessing of children and more. This challenge, while complete, will move on with me as I will remember to be grateful for everything I have the chance to do, experience, and the people I get to come across, be inspired by, and love. Thank you June for allowing me to be a part of this journey.

What are you grateful for Kwiri Yang, Patrick De La Fuente, Victoria Hulett??? (List 3 things you are grateful for for 7 days)

I wish I could tag everyone and if I didn't tag you yet and you are my friend, take on this challenge, as it is well worth the discoveries you will come across! My challenge is complete, now it is time for yours!

Gratitude Challenge: Day 6

Gratitude Challenge: Day 6

1) I am grateful for my beautiful dog JD. As while we gave you a male name at first and no one would notice your puppy picture as you, nothing can make a day better than coming home with you waiting at the door to greet me. Even when you are sleeping, you wake up to say hello before you pass out on the couch again. It's amazing how loyal a dog can be and I never doubted that loyalty for a bit.

2) I am grateful for the all the opportunities in my life and all those people who have helped make them happen. From my family, to my friends, and even to complete strangers, I've enjoyed so many different things in my life that I never though I would as I raced through a bucket list of things, leaving me to make a new bucket list time after time. These opportunities and my ability and willingness to do them would not be possible with out you all.

3) I am grateful for all those who I have loved and lost, as it is better than not loving at all. To all of my friends and family who have passed away, I miss you dearly but know that you continue to live on if we live a life as you would have liked us to live. To those who ended up not being compatible with me, I feel that each person I came across has helped me in discovering who I am and also what I want in life. While at times, knowing each other hurt, in retrospect, I could am thankful we had the opportunities that we had together.

What are you grateful for Jonathan, Guen, and Guillermo Boppell??? (List 3 things you are grateful for for 7 days)

Gratitude Challenge: Day 5

Gratitude Challenge: Day 5

1) I am grateful for the ability to travel near and far and for those friends you meet while on vacation or those who you meet who live a distance from you. As while you may not always talk to them, knowing you have someone amazing at a different end of the Earth is something so fascinating and incredible. From Asia to Australia through the Middle East and Africa into Latin American and up to North America, it's amazing to think about the friends I have in different parts of the globe and even in different parts of the country.

2) I am grateful for the ability to run and be active, as it has become apart of my daily life. To feel the amazingness of the wind blowing through your hair when you run as you pound the pavement, makes you feel free. As I did mental drills with my athletes today, I realized just how lucky we are to be able to be apart of this.I love running, short shorts and all and hope that it is apart of my life as long as possible. 

3) I am grateful for all those that have showed me that while obstacles may stop us, we can always overcome difficult situations and we should never allow these situations to stop us from becoming who we want to be or doing what we aspire to do. While I have my share of obstacles, the obstacles that others around me have overcome, dwarf those that I have experienced and I only hope that I can be like them when placed in a similar situation.

What are you grateful for Mellissa Felipe, Graham Kracker, Danika Hayashi, and Cindy Ravalo Carlson??? (List 3 things you are grateful for for 7 days)

Gratitude Challenge: Day 4

Gratitude Challenge: Day 4

1) I am grateful for pencils and pens as they are two of the only things that someone needs to express themselves, whether through writing or through drawing. My pen and pencil has been my outlet to express how I feel, to draw when I am bored, and to show the world all the things I cannot always express.

2) I am grateful for the elements as without them, how could we ever survive and for those old enough, how would we ever summon Captain Planet? Earth, wind, fire, water (plus heart) are the essentials to our daily lives. I will be mindful of every step as I can be glad that the ground will catch me as I step and that it is what sustains us; I will continue to close my eyes and enjoy the wind as it blows; I will appreciate that fire has allowed us to better feed ourselves and keep us warm; and I will also be mindful of the preciousness of water and do my best to conserve it and appreciate the fact that we have clean and potable water. I know there are so many people who appreciate the awesomeness and I encourage you all to join me in appreciating them!

3) I am grateful for being surrounded by amazing co-workers and friends both today and in the past (such as Jepsen, Bill, Diana, Holly, Julie and so many more ... sorry, there are way too many amazing people to name ... ugh, I need to name more ... Sue, Allison, Allison, Allison, Gina, Carey, Melissa, Melissa, James, Paul, David, Jonathan, Bill, Adam, Bryan, Stephanie, Marilou, Judy, Jessica, Cindy, Christina ... sorry if I missed you). As I attended our first day of work today, I realized that it did not feel that it was a place I had to be but someplace I wanted to be. It allowed me to better appreciate where I have ended up and has allowed me to see so much good around me. I am excited for what this year and many others ahead hold on our campus as we build our "We Pyramid."

What are you grateful for Shannon Kung, Holly Matchett, and Audrey Lee ??? (List 3 things you are grateful for for 7 days)

~:[CH3 - Day 239]:~ Out of the Shadows

~:[CH3 - Day 239]:~ Out of the Shadows

There definitely was not much shade today as the sun came out striking down on us all. However, we managed and were able to successful make our way through another practice. This little one came and visited us today which made the day even better. Since it was so hot, we ended up with popsicles to cool the team down. Afterwards, I caught a great dinner in at Chipotle, catching up with some people before taking in my last night before work begins tomorrow!

Gratitude Challenge: Day 3

Gratitude Challenge: Day 3

1) I am grateful for delicious food that we can eat a restaurant or whip up in our own kitchens. While some may be better than others, my trip to Thailand this summer made me even more appreciative of how lucky we are to even have food on our tables.

2) I am grateful for my students both past and present who I am proud to work with almost every day. While at times they drive me crazy when they don't stop talking, don't follow through, or do not meet expectations, it's always wonderful to see them learn, grow, and move on into a wonderful world that awaits them. Along the way, they also teach me more than I ever thought I'd know, as they also keep me in check, reminding me that there is a lot to learn.

3) I am grateful for the opportunity to sponsor a child. While I didn't think much of it at the time, sponsoring a child was one of the best decisions of my life. Not only do I have a binder full of drawings and letters, I also saw first hand the difficulties that my sponsor child and her family dealt with on a daily basis and made me realize even more how far each dollar goes. Through this experience, she is able to get more access to education, both academically and spiritually, however, I was also educated because of this process.

What are you grateful for Erika Resultay, Mitchell Lin, and  Sunny S. Fu??? (List 3 things you are grateful for for 7 days)

Gratitude Challenge: Day 2

Gratitude Challenge: Day 2

1) I am grateful for beautiful art that surrounds us including architecture, animation and music among many other genres. Individuals like CLARA, Ruben, Jessie, Anthony, Christian, Chris, Priscilla Ahn, David Choi and Yoshi among many others have brought something special into this world for so many to enjoy! Keep doing what you are doing and continue surrounding us with beautiful things!

2) I am grateful for people who can always keep a positive attitude and keep smiling through even the toughest of times. While the glass may be more than half empty, they see that single drop of water as an opportunity.

3) I am grateful for all the amazing and wonderful parents out there who sacrifice so much so that their children have all the opportunities that the world provides them. I am even more grateful for those parents who take on the task of parenthood on their own, serving two roles for their child, serving as a role model that no matter how tough times get, you can always overcome!

What are you grateful for Jamie N Young, Nellie Mancilla, CLARA ??? (List 3 things you are grateful for for 7 days)

Gratitude Challenge: Day 1

Gratitude Challenge: Day 1

1) I am grateful for the rain and storms, both literally and metaphorically, as without them there would be no rainbows and those beautiful, sunny days would seem like nothing more than the last. It allows us to appreciate all that we have and allows us to challenge ourselves and grow with each passing storm.

2) I am grateful for an amazing ohana who has always been there for me, both in the good and bad times. While it may not always be convenient to tell you this, I will try to show my gratitude for your beautiful selves more often.

3) I am grateful for lifelong friends like (June) who have been there for years and decades; who will go hang out with you at the last minute, who you can share childhood memories with, who despite the distance or time away, will always be close to your heart, and who always seem to be willing to set things down if you are in need. To those lifelong friends, I thank you for all of your amazingness.

What are you grateful for Allison Koizumi, Jennifer Jou, and Andre W Hong??? (List 3 things you are grateful for for 7 days)

-[The General]- Truly Living

-[The General]- Truly Living

Some days you just sit back and shrug your shoulders. Why did I get so involved in the drama? Why was I so upset? Why did I react the way I did ... or say what I said ... or stay silent throughout the night?

Tonight was not one of those nights. I did not think for a second about the hatred I had for someone or how upset I was at someone else. I did not have much weighing on my mind in terms of drama, in fact, I don't think I had any today. Today, I was truly living - sharing what I could with others, spreading love, and doing what I could to make this day a memorable one, no matter how much or how little I did.

Similar to many, I get emotional, riled up, upset, but when I do, I try to get myself grounded and try  to step back to ask myself why? Why should I waste moments of my life upset, sad, and emotional, when I could be living these precious moments of my life. Why should I risk ending with someone on a bad note, when I can ensure myself that they knew that despite our faults and all the problems that we have, ultimately, there is nothing but love between us. Why should I involve myself in drama, when I should surround myself with a group of people who will love me unconditionally and likewise, I can do the same, creating a bond that can be described as nothing more than an ohana, hereditary or not.


***

I always thought that the more time passed by, the easier things would get, however, as time moves on, I realized that I must work harder to pass along this message. To make sure that people don't forget that we must make the most of every moment, that you never know what moment will be your last or the last moment of someone who you hold dear, or when it will be the last opportunity for you to do something you've always wanted to do. While I do not fear that anyone who was there that day will forget and carry the message with them forever as it is rooted within them, I fear that the generations ahead who we come across will take the sacred word ohana for granted and that idea that you must make the most of every moment that you have. To them, I leave this message ...

"Go forward and make the most of every moment you have. Treat those you love with the love and care that they deserve, treating them better than you would yourself; similarly treat strangers with respect as well. In all that you do, do it with all of your heart, your soul and your self, not for your own satisfaction, but to serve as a model for others that doing it any other way is unacceptable. 

When you face obstacles and struggles, control your emotions, keep things in perspective and don't forget to seek the help of the ohana that surrounds you. Never let pessimism, negativity and all those trying to stop you from progressing forward and reaching your goals, as overcoming all the obstacles and struggles ahead requires that you stay positive, hopeful, and courageous. Know that you will make mistakes along the way, but getting back up, learning from your mistakes, and trying again will help bring you closer to your goals. Life will ask you to sacrifice, to do things under the most extreme circumstances and to overcome odds you never thought you could, but life would never ask this of you, if you were not capable of it. 

Be good to people; expecting nothing from them but the warmth that it brings your heart. Be selfless, be brave and rise above all that aims to bring you down. Ultimately, above all else, smile, laugh, and never forget how beautiful this world can be if you look through the right lens. 

While things may not always fall into place, while life will hand you sadness, pain, and sorry, while you may never become a millionaire,  and while you may never see yourself on the big screen starring in a feature film, you will find yourself truly living when you touch the life of someone close to you and cement a place in their heart for an eternity. It is then that even in death will you find yourself truly living."

As we all move on with our daily lives, whether it be to work, school or wherever else the winds may take you, remember this. Seven years ago, I learned to do this and to make the most of every moment and today, I remind myself of what I must set out to do. Will I forgot along the way? I am sure I will. However, if the message is truly being carried on, I need not worry that there will be someone there to help me back on track when I stray from the path. As while darkness will surround us all on our journey at some point, it will required us to search for that light that can help guide us to our destination. Use your light, not only to guide yourself, but to help others find their way, as it is together as an ohana that you will find yourself truly living even when darkness tries to overshadow the beautiful and wonderful light that shines within every one of us.

RNR Ohana

Forgetting Would Be Nice ... ~ June 20, 2014

“No wonder how much you pretend, but you cannot ever forget the taste of your first kiss and the pain of your first break up.”
― M.F. Moonzajer

 Forgetting would be nice.

Wherever you search on the Internet, you get a different story. One article will say how your first love shapes everything that comes after, while another may say it doesn't. I guess that's for each person to decide as each person has their own experiences, minutely or vastly different from each other.

For me personally, I never realized what I was getting myself into at such a young age. Yes, I am and always have been a hopeless romantic. The poetry, the letters, the photos and preserving the ideas of chivalry have always been at the forefront of what I believed in and while I understood that fairy tales were not real life, I always hoped that life could end up becoming like a fairy tale.

I wholeheartedly believe that M.F. Monzajer was correct in his quote “No wonder how much you pretend, but you cannot ever forget the taste of your first kiss and the pain of your first break up," but what if your first breakup was atypical for most. Could a hopeless romantic's break play right into the hands of a potential fairy tale ending and would the lack of the latter end up shaping all that would come after in terms of love or were there strong forces at work?

Ending my first relationship on good terms was difficult, as I never knew how ugly break ups and relationships for that matter, could be. To be forced to break up by circumstances beyond my control was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me, as the "what if" or the possibility of that fairy tale ending was left there, dangling in front of my eyes. There was no closure. No definite clear cut line that said, it's over. And with that, the struggle became my reality.

Throughout my life, that first relationship was truly my measuring stick. I compared so many to this amazing relationship I started my life with and with that, I was unfair to all those who I came across.
 In Brushstrokes of a Gadfl, E.A. Bucchianeri writes “That's it. Love makes us all strong,” and while I agree that this can be true, in my case, it made me weak. It made me blind to all the beauty and amazing features that the people around me possessed, those who I was lucky enough to call my friends. Despite being the amazing people I knew they were though, I made the mistake of passing and moving on, not knowing what I would miss out on.





Years later, I finally began to regain my sight and see the beautiful and amazing people that surrounded me but of course, I missed my opportunities, my timing wasn't right, I wasn't prepared to be vulnerable again, and the list of reasons goes on and on.


The wounds of the first relationship were deep and kept cutting deep into my soul and for that reason, my relationships afterwards were impacted. To fall so hard fresh out of the gate and to have to recover from something like that for such a long time is the hardest things to do. I internalized it all and it just made it worse. Each and every time that I found another beautiful and amazing person, my scars would remind me just what I was getting myself into.



My scars remind my memory of the pain that I felt so deep into my soul, but somewhere in my heart, rests that hopeless romantic that withered in the shadows of the pain that comes with a broken soul, something much more painful than a broken heart. Every time an opportunity presented itself, the reminders became so clear and the hesitancy grew greater and greater.


Honestly, I did wither. I withered so much that I allowed so many people looking to lift me from the shadows pass on by, knowing that each and every one possessed some of the most beautiful, amazing, and refined qualities that any man would be lucky enough to share a life with. While I wanted to jump at many opportunities, my mind and my soul kept my legs from jumping, while my heart was ready to take them in.


While I am sad that I let so many pass by, I am glad that most found their way to someone who completes them and who can give them what I could not when given the opportunity. I lost out on these opportunities, but I realized that all is not lost. My adventures to places near and far made me realize all the issues that held me back and how my first controlled all of my lasts. How I needed to change and not how others needed to change for me. As while I withered, I only needed to step out of the shadow of my past to grow.


 I stand here knowing that while my first shaped my past, it cannot and will not shape who I am from now. It will not allow me to miss out on the beauty, the amazing, and the awesome that I am surrounded by. While I may need a little push every once in awhile, I think I have finally moved out of the shadows and have begun to slowly work my way back to that hopeless romantic who believes that while fairy tales are not necessarily true, that happy endings are plentiful if you only allow them to be.

While E.A. Bucchianeri wrote that loves makes us all strong, I believe Lao Tzu who said that "being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" and that can only be accomplished in this situation by understanding Mother Teresa when she said, "I have found that paradox that when you love until it hurts, there can be no hurt, only more love." As that hopeless romantic, I hope that beyond this pain I have suffered in for so long, that love awaits on the horizon and that my first love can no longer be the mold that confines; rather find that one that can help work with me to help us grow into something that no shadow can cast darkness on.

Forgetting would be nice, but remembering how to love again would be the nicest.