~:[CH13 - Day 85]:~ Discard the Unappealing

 
~:[CH13 - Day 85]:~ Discard the Unappealing

I felt like this orange today. Trying to look normal, but inside, torn apart. I feel like this is the lowest point in my teaching career and it has nothing to do with the students. Change is inevitable, but to have it thrust upon you is annoying. To be lied to when you're told you're doing something is upsetting. To have inaction from those who could change this is disheartening. Gladly, I have a core around me who always have my back, still yet, they are also burdened because of all that is going on. I crossed paths with someone today that I see regularly who said, you look worn down. I am, I truly am. I've worked so hard, which I normally do, but to be disrespected and treated with such unprofessionalism is what truly wears on you. Of course to all of those who thought it would be okay and that I would just accept it, are also at fault. I've been teaching about the Japanese Internment and Holocaust as of late and this unit as well as my genocide unit, I talk about how the bystanders are just as guilty as the perpetrators and in real life, I see why. Of course in life, at some point, you look at what you have and decide whether it's worth salvaging or if you'll discard it. I noticed how this issue has created such a negative aura around me and made me see that maybe it's time to discard it and start anew. Whether it's a whole new refresh as I dust off my resume or if I just discard those who I don't need to interact or concern myself with anymore, I'll have to think hard and decide about that. In the end, discard what's unappealing in your life and be selfish in deciding what you need. As much as you might think about who it impacts, you would not have gotten to that point if they cared enough when you were going through it. Ultimately, you'll know what to keep and what to toss and don't feel a bit of guilt of who you cut ties with. As much as they may tell you things when you're around, their action or inaction will tell you a lot of whether they were a bystander or perpetrator or someone you could rely on when times got tough. I can't think of a time where I've been in a position today, but hey, that's when you find those turning points in your life and decide where you want to go from here. I guess the next few weeks and months will be telling.